Lovers and Liars Survival Guide

September 1st, 2010

When I was writing Lovers & Liars I talked to a number of psychotherapists and specialists in psychological abuse. I was shocked to discover that women of every race, background, wealth or age, had very similar experiences. The techniques used to control Paige and Jess are employed by manipulative men and women on their partners everywhere.

I asked the specialists for their advice on what people should do if they find themselves in a similar situation to the characters in the book. Below are the books, tips and facts they gave me.

  • Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven (Freedom Publishing) defines the difference between caring and controlling, between love and manipulation.
  • Other good books include Power & Control by Sandra Horley, Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft and Men Who Hate Women & The Women Who Love Them by Susan Forward and Joan Torres.
  • Look for advice on www.refuge.org.uk and www.womensaid.org.uk. If you think you may be monitored use someone else’s computer.
  • You do not have to feel like a ‘victim’ to be suffering from psychological abuse. Abusers always blame others, and often paint themselves as the ‘victim’ in the relationship. This makes joint counselling very difficult, and individual counselling may be more effective.
  • Both men and women can be controlling, but five times as many women are killed by their abusive partners as men are by the women in the same situation.
  • Be very careful when you leave an abusive relationship. Over two women a week (and one to two men a month) are killed by their partners, often when they have left or are trying to leave.
  • If you think a friend is a victim of psychological abuse, give her a copy of Lovers & Liars (you donít need to say why), but wait for her to bring the subject up again. It is very important that she addresses her issues when she is ready and goes at her own pace.

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